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“Embracing Life”: Caridad’s 23 Rules for living with cancer

Cancer with Style. Caridad was able to live with breast cancer, which behaved like an aggressive “triple negative cancer”, for 8 good years. She accomplished this by “embracing life”, which, in her own words, meant “dancing with cancer, rather than fighting with it”. Right after her diagnosis in July 2009, I bought a full case of her favorite champagne, Veuve Clicquot, which didn’t last very long. This led to the motto:

When we get bad news: we celebrate. When we get good news: we celebrate, which is at the heart of Cancer with Style system.

Caridad wrote about cancer blessings (“23 cancer blessings“), which I summarize here for you. These are largely Caridad’s words, which I have edited and re-organized.

Best wishes,

Hartmuth Kolb

Caridad and Hartmuth Kolb

Cancer Blessings? How dare Frau Kolb suggest that the cancer might mean an end to your precious life is a blessing? Well, Frau Kolb is an expert on getting a kick out of whatever life throws up in the way of enjoying life.  I am NOT, however a doctor, what you read here is my personal proposal, an invitation, if you will, to join me in celebrating the good and bad news, as good and bad news will bloom in your life like flowers in the spring time.

Many will find themselves alone and without means to cope with the huge costs of cancer.  They must now tap into a source, a reserve, of strength and clarity within themselves.  That still point, deep within the garden of being, which holds keys to enjoying your life no matter what strikes you, allowing space for life to remain precious when you face life-threatening cancer treatment. In order to be effective the treatment is rough, it can kill you. So… you better get ready.  This is a time to re-new your contract and decide IF living suits you well enough to cling to all lively, joyous, and creative pursuits.  For those who have lost their path, or never had a clear route toward fulfillment, cancer maybe a chance to save their own lives by using the opportunity to connect with others and thereby forming a “Cancer Circle,” of which they are the center.  It could be that this is the chance to meet new people with whom to relate, commune, and move forward.

My husband, Dr. Hartmuth C. Kolb came up with the motto “when we get bad news: we celebrate/when we get good news: we celebrate”, which is at the heart of this Cancer with Style system.“

New Year’s Eve 2016/17 – Caviar and “champagne”

The original  “Cancer Blessing,” was discovered by my talented medical oncologist, Dr. Lawrence Piro upon the discovery that my chemo-therapy treatment had to be interrupted to perform an open-heart-surgery… but that is another story.

Caridad, the weekend after the diagnosis in July 2009

I write with the intention of providing you with a chuckle or, at least, 23 good reasons to laugh in the face of death, a useful fresh perspectives, and empowerment in these times of turmoil.

Please take care and know that I am thinking of all the people out there; losing their hair, having breasts amputated, or otherwise facing profound changes; in order to continue to embrace the bliss of breathing.

Love,

Frau Kolb”

Happy Birthday!

This list of 23 Cancer Blessings is based on my experience dancing with rather than fighting against cancer.  Because of my BRCA2 mutation, there was little I could have done to avoid having cancer (cf., however, my Angelina Jolie article), yet there is much I’ve done to enjoy life while undergoing treatment.  All in all, my life has expanded and become more fulfilling during my dancing time.

I’ve traveled more.  I made time and space in my life for creativity in a way that keeps me connected and vital. Talkinggrid is one of the out comes of my stretching wingspan into areas that were my dream territories: publishing and professional writing, being every reading girl’s ultimate dream.  I invite you to join me on this worthy voyage, the art of making peace with yourself and enjoying every second of your life as it is.  Yes, you are going to get treatment.  This advice is NOT about PRAYING CANCER AWAY

Hawaii 2016, after nearly dying a few months earlier

1.) Cancer means you must stop, take a deep breath and LOOK at yourself.  This is the ultimate opportunity to take stock of your life.  This is the part of the movie of YOU where you find out what really matters and who really cares.  Do not be surprised if some of the people you thought would be present for you are not.  Let them go.  Be OPEN to the new LOVE that can and will support you.

Contemplating life with cancer

2.) YOU have zero time to waste.  You must focus your depleted energy wisely in order to make it from one day to the next.  Cancer is a serious condition and minimizing it, is a strategy I employ.  Yet, I’ve never backed down or stepped away from treatment.  I’ve EMBRACED LIFE, thus finding strength that isn’t mine, borrowing it from my husband, my friends, and the world… remembering that my drama is but a drop in the galactic sea of mystery.  Enjoying the ups and down, of the eternal “red-wine sea…”

3.) Address the issues: this is time to educate yourself, apply the SEVEN BOOK RULE, which is Frau Kolb’s favorite success tool: read seven books about your type of cancer.  Why seven? Because then you will have an informed perspective and know what to ask your doctors. YOU better learn the basics of what others have endured or in order to find the treasure buried in the middle of this surreal landscape.

4.) Find an advocate who deeply cares about you when dealing with doctors, getting tests done and making decisions. Make sure you and your advocate take notes during your meetings with doctors, and be ready for them with lists of questions.

Infusions at home by my husband

5.) Become very friendly with your doctors.  Share the jokes you read, hear, and love with them and they will LOVE seeing YOU and YOU will get better care.  Bring them a copy of a great book you just read.  LOVE them and they will care about YOU, more. Moreover: being the favorite patient of a great doctor has many social benefits. Be super NICE to medical staff, after all, they have your life in their hands.  Don’t forget your “please and thank you, for the bed pan,”  Because if you are given treatment that is fair and kind you are blessed.  Be grateful. Don’t forget that flirting with your medical staff is one healthy way of keeping everyone’s spirits UP!

With Dr. Piro at his John Wayne special service award celebration

6.) IF you did not put together the perfect care team for yourself, remember that as long as you live you can always make changes. Always. All you have to do is use your words, ask nice, play fair, and be sweet on change to get it.

7.) Don’t just cut the cancer out, radiate it, take the chemo: do what you must. Do it fast. Do not hesitate because everyday counts. Cancers are not full of pity. They will eat you! Embrace the rigors of radical treatment as long as you can and IF your condition is beyond bad… well take your meds, Champagne, and let Oscar Wilde and Dorothy Parker get the table ready for you when you hit the perpetual dinner party in the sky, do it with panache. Every time you make a decision that prolongs your life and helps you enjoy being here you are blessed.  So enjoy making choices with your team of friends and family headed by an advocate, which ideally is someone educated and good at record keeping, someone BOLD and deeply INVESTED in your success.

Ready for Chemotherapy

8.) Soon, you will have access to heavy duty pain medications. Take it slow! Follow directions. But, we gotta be grateful that they exist. They work better than a mallet to knock you OUT for a restful night of much needed sleep. When it really hurts, thank goodness, for Vicodin! Do not abuse your medications. Yet, use them to help you leap across the parts too far from ease to be healthy. In other words, don’t suck up the pain, take a prescribed pill when you require it. If you live where it is legally available, Medical Marijuana works for nausea and other “chronic,” conditions. It may also help with mood swings and depression, just request the right strains. There are strains, “Indicas,” that put you right “heavy,” state for sleep and other strains, “Sativas,” that help stamina, creativity, and giggles. You no longer have to smoke, the aroma(s) offends, because they have a wide variety of edible: tea, honey, candies, bagel chips, and lemonades infused with THC and immune boosting CBD. Try it only if you feel comfortable with the idea. I LOVE it because it makes me feel like a naughty teen to take a bong hit in my boudoir. Anyway… you might find you like the staff at the dispensaries.

9.) This is your chance to cash in all favors and make all the outrageous requests you desire.  Go for it!  No one will fault you. Finally!  Freedom to be a cancer DIVA is a blessing. Use this chance to say the important things to the important people.  BE REAL.  Stop being so nice IF it hurts you.  BE GENEROUS with the praise and gratitude for every little courtesy or good vibe others will show you.  Listen to each person that comes to you as though they were an angel delivering messages from god.  LISTEN.

10.) FORGIVE!  Forgive everybody for everything.  Now is time to LOVE and feel one with every nurse, every waiter, every human that comes and that may care for you if you OPEN your heart to loving everybody.  Yet, this doesn’t mean that you forget that some people are toxic.  Let those people go and embrace the ones that love you NOW. Did you do something BAD, hurtful to someone, long ago… maybe?  Write the victim of your misdeed, a letter, ASK for FORGIVENESS, mail it to yourself, and IF and only IF after reading it yourself and feeling it would make the person receiving it feel GOOD, then mail it to the injured party.  Rest assured that accepting responsibility for the fact that we all hurt others, either on purpose or by “accident,” is a good thing for it allows us to shed the weight of unpaid energetic debts, of love and caring that was absent, when it is the mandate of life that we love, in order to be loved.

Love and prayers – with Caridad’s niece, Emily Prince-Ralby

11.) When you have CANCER your time is officially YOURS!  Now: you must focus and use your energy like a laser to create GOOD in your world. This is a time to pray, IF that works for YOU, to sing, to turn inward, and rejoice because YOU are ALIVE. Take time to watch leaves fall in slow motion from autumn trees or the snow melt and freeze.  It is time for reading novels in bed, to go on Long sunset walks, and to spend more time with your friends, family and your pets.

12.) Have a daily belly laugh.  Yes, this is time for comedy.  This is time for laughing until others in the chemo-center give you funny looks.  Make a practice of laughing.  Call your funniest friends. Watch humorous movies.

Laughing is healthy!

13.) This is a time when tradition comes in handy.  Tap into who you are and what your people do at times of crisis, then select what works, discard the fist fighting and drunken orgies, do adopt the customs of other cultures that might fit your mood and help you enjoy life more.

Tradition: Halloween 2016

14.) The leaner, fitter, stronger you are the more likely to recover from your sometimes grueling cancer treatment and the long periods of testing/uncertainty. So, WALK!  Better yet, RUN! EAT BETTER.  More fresh—organic is best—Food! Cook more or rather invite friends over, they can help you cook/clean because now that you are the dancing with the cancer blessing you are now in the position to graciously accept help, love, and support.  Self care is central to success in coping with any major crisis. This is really the time to pamper yourself. So… ramp-up your bath routine. Bath oils, salts, candles, lotions, scrub-brushes, and abrasive bathing gloves. None of it is “expensive,” really but when you really get going you can make a very nice day of being in the tub, especially as you undergo treatment.

Fitness

15.) When your looks are gone, erased, you must learn to paint on a happy face or… be a blank slate.  Pick.  Do.  Make-up is said to boast the immune system.  Don’t neglect your basic hygiene.  Taking time to brush your teeth and put on a pretty scarf or a big macho cow-boy hat which will make others laugh and question your identity… GOOD MOVE!

Happiness, deep inside

16.)  Learn something totally unrelated to your new condition. Focus on learning Italian, for example. You always wanted to learn French. This is the moment to go to the public library and take out the Farsi tapes or the Swahili. What would you like to learn? Investing yourself in picking up NEW skills will give you strength to face this new reality.

I have a enough reading to last me a few weeks! Hah!

17.) Plan a no-expense spared trip around the world for yourself. Of course, you won’t go. Yet, you will really think about the trip. How you would travel… Where you would visit… The schedules of luxury cruise ships are available on-line; image yourself in the Penthouse Suite, if this appeals to you. If not… are you backpacking in the Andes? Tell me, where will you go? Read guide books and learn about what to expect when you arrive. The trip should be long and lavish. This is so much more pleasant to focusing on the HORROR, the HORROR of treatment.

Caridad in Paris

18.) Ever wanted to meet someone famous… well, if you are terminal… you might consider addressing a request to their press/public relations representatives and respectfully request a visit from… you are very likely to get what YOU want, now… Brad Pitt… David Bowie… or… Adele.  Watch out!  Because, you really have the power to pull powerful people IN by being beautiful despite the medical drama.  Use it.

19.) Visit churches, landmarks, and museums.  Enjoy the public spaces of your cities.  The grand architecture or natural wonders of the world deserve your attention even if they are only around the corner.  Shake it UP!  You don’t have to be the version of yourself you have been thus far.  Part of you will be forever changed by treatment and the new you is yours to chisel into the you, you are now. Allow the cancer to be a reason why you step into being your true self in public.  It empowered Frau Kolb by forcing her to make time for creativity, art, and other sources of profound delight. Cancer can be a license to finally focus attention on loving yourself in order to make ease-rich (the opposite of dis-ease) choices.

Caridad and Abraham Lincoln

20.) In other words, make the cancer work for you.  Yes, there are resources assigned and available to people undergoing cancer treatment.  Just telling someone, that you have cancer, can make them cut you some slack.  This is not a card I advise using frequently but when you must, whip it out with flourish and revel in the fact that there are many CANCER BENEFITS for you to enjoy.

21.) If you believe in heaven: make a list of all the people you look forward to feasting with in the afterlife.  In heaven, I’m convinced that, you can have dinner with Augustus, the ancient Roman Emperor, Ben Franklin, and Anna Nicole Smith, all together, at their prime, forever available, because in heaven YOU can be two places at once, I’m certain of it… IF you like!  If you don’t believe, well make a list of who you would like to see if heaven were real and you will tickle (I swear) your grandmother’s spirit when you list her.  Go for it and feel the good vibes of every human you list, no matter how “long-gone,” kissing you and loving you no matter how vicious the pain or ugly the bruising… you have the long line of human fortitude to tap into.  Revel in the fact that you come from tough people and that tough people bite the dust, too.

22.)  Give some money, a dollar or two counts, to cancer research.   Hardworking scientists give up their youths, studying, and learning so that they can create effective cancer medications for us.  Don’t believe that cancer medications are anything less than miracles and every time you drink a pill down, bless the water.

23.)  Threshold states are FUN!  What could be more exciting than being near death?  You don’t know when its coming but rest assured it will.  If you can learn to enjoy this state you might just live forever.  Hah!

Less than a month post brain surgery
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A dying mother’s advice to her children: The “More Than Ten Commandments”

In the face of death, Caridad Kolb wrote these final words of wisdom to her beloved children to guide them through their teenage years. She wrote these guidelines, knowing that she wouldn’t be there for them in person, only in spirit. These are words that teach Love, Kindness, Dignity and Respect.

Best wishes,

Hartmuth Kolb

Guidance from the hospital bed

Caridad B. Kolb: “Dear Luke, Annabella, and most of all my beloved Papi,

Here are my More Than Ten Commandments to YOU:

Love is GOD/Goddess/Goodness.  Love is what you owe yourself.  Love is living your life with dignity.  Love your father, brother, sister, and mother.  Love is forever.  Love NEVER dies.  Love is caring.  Love is kindness.   Love is action.  Love is forgiveness.  Love is NOT FORGETTING.  Love is never a theory.  Love is a gentle touch and focused listening.  Love is learning to be a better person, everyday.  Love is feeling gratitude for life and respect for the living.

Reading, thinking, kindness, and courtesy are life skills.  Together, these four habits will give anyone a better life.  Any problem in life can be dealt with by staying calm and reading, always apply the Seven Book Rule.  Read every day.  Study best in the morning and read before bed. Discuss books.  Become friends ONLY with other avid reader/thinkers because only smart people will be able to be good—loyal— friends to you when you need them.  True friendship requires thought.  Thoughtful people have learned how to control themselves and think out many potential solutions to whatever problems they face.  Notice how people behave and remember that who-ever you spend lots of time with you will become more like them.  So… BE SELECTIVE!

Exercise, as in physical activity, must be integrated into daily routines.  Walk to work/school (always paying attention where you are going, always notice who follows you, avoid being kidnapped).  Walk the dog after a healthy dinner (organic meat and veggies).  Ride your bikes, often.  Play sports.  Skiing.  Sailing.  Basketball could be a good ticket for Annabella.  Baseball might be just the right sport for, Luke.  Soccer is good for both.   Music instruction helps brain development and relaxation.  Classics, mythology, and theology are good supplemental interests.  Cooking, knitting, dance, sewing, piano and painting classes upon classes for both kids…  LANGUAGE ARTS: communication, the more languages you speak fluently, and politely, the BETTER!

Sex is serious.  Save it for the people YOU really LOVE and TRUST.  YOU will not be ready for SEX until your body is fully developed and you are able to take care of yourself, incase a baby is made…  then IF you decide have a child, you can count on us to help you with whatever choice YOU make.   Daddy and Mommy are always around to help.  Share your body, your kisses and hugs, only with people that are clean, careful, and promise to share themselves only with you.  Be careful because, unless you are ready to have a BABY you should not do what it take to make babies, which is having sex.

BE AWARE that some people will be willing to steal your heart or your things, to trick you, to hurt you for money or for FUN (Evil people actually enjoy hurting others.  Your pain is their pleasure).  YOU can avoid getting hurt by paying attention and being aware that when some people get close to you it is not with good intentions.  So always watch, listen, and learn and change your plans in response to new information.  IF a person is mean to you once, be aware that they are very likely to make a habit of it, and become meaner.  EVERYTHING GETS EASIER with practice and the more you practice anything the better you will become at it.  Thus… GET AWAY from mean people as soon as you realize they are not caring.  Be aware that others may be jealous that you know how to behave and take care of yourself/possessions and mostly they don’t.  Remember, most people’s parents do not invest the time/energy/love we have focused on YOU.

You must protect yourself.  Learn to say, “No Thank YOU!” To anyone that wants/tries to give you trouble or trick you into trying risky behaviors or doing damage to your body, for example, you will meet people that will offer you smoke, pills, powders, injections, and even candies that are designed to make you feel FUNNY.  They will claim that these substances will make you feel good.  BE AWARE that anyone selling or giving you drugs is a BAD PERSON, trying to trick you, use you, hurt you, and make you a slave.

Addiction is one of the worst forms of slavery.  Some of the worst poisonous street drugs will make you crave/want to have more and more of them, while making YOU feel sick, when you don’t have money to pay for them.  (Some people end up committing crimes to get money for drugs.)  This can happen to anyone that uses drugs or alcohol with urgency.  Observe people and DON’T FALL INTO this common trap.  Be careful with what you put in your body and do NOT accept people into your life that use addictive substances, drugs, or exhibit “risky behaviors.”  There are many people that are addicted to gambling, overeating, and other “thrill,” experiences.  Notice people’s habits, hobbies, preferences, and statements.  Listen to them.  Do not become friends with people that are sneaky.  Be aware of what others eat, do, say.  Stay away from people that seem focused more on FUN than on doing their daily work.  There is no shortcut to learning in life.  YOU must work everyday to become a good grown-up like Mommy and Papi.

You must decide who is a worthy acquaintance and who you are better off avoiding.  YOU must pay attention, in order to avoid, inviting drug addicts and/or other types of criminals into your world.  They are dangerous and unreliable people.  They fell for the lie(s) of other tricky people and now they want to lure you into their world of evil.  Yet, by paying attention you can distinguish good from bad people and create lasting relationships with worthy, well raised, people that have self respect and self control like YOU!

Tattoos are a BAD IDEA.  The people that get them have a harder time getting and keeping good jobs.  Don’t do this stupid thing to your beautiful skin.  Take care of yourself, your hair, hands, eyes, BODY.  Your body belongs to you and NO ONE has the right to touch you.  YOUR Mother and FATHER will always LOVE you and protect you.  WE care.  We are strong.  If anything happens to one of us, THANK GOD and GOODNESS you will always have our LOVE, which we have already given you.   Fortunately, we have been able to spend more time together than most parents will EVER spend with their children, already.  Remember to thank god that you have had, already, so much LOVE.  Thank god for your LIFE everyday and everyday become a better person.

Self respect and Self control are the most important traits.  You cannot control others.  YOU must, therefore, control yourself to stay calm and alert, always learning, thinking, and avoiding problems.

Observe others.  Pay attention.  Learn names.  Look at people’s faces when they speak to you.  Answer questions with full sentences.  Listen to people, think about what you will say BEFORE speaking.  PLAN your LIFE.

Protect yourself and be aware that most people are NOT taught to think, read, or eat properly LIKE YOU.  Keep your observations of other’s short comings to yourself but always improve your behavior.  NOTICE what works: when you behave yourself people will like you, you will have friends, FUN, and a good life.  IF you cannot listen you can and will get in HOT WATER.  So… make good choices.  BE SMART.  Stay close to each other, make time to listen and learn from each other, stick together.

Reading List:

“The Elements of Style,” by Strunk and White
“How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie
“The Rules,”
“RED FLAGS,”
“How Children Succeed,”
“Teach your Child to think,”
“A Short Guide to Writing About ART.”

Books on personality, people watching, bird watching, gardening, art history, dogs, human nature, anthropology, meditation, cults, brainwashing, predators, criminology, self-defense, and nature…. Are important.  Develop your mind, body, and know that you will be prized for your knowledge and remembered by your loved ones.

Yours truly,

Caridad B. Kolb”

Always embracing life. Always.
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Frau Kolb’s New Year Resolutions

Frau Kolb started drafting her New Year Resolutions in January. Sadly, she was not able to complete her message to you. I am posting it here, to provide you with a final bit of her writing. Hartmuth Kolb

A message from Frau Kolb:

“I am convinced that a new year is ripe with opportunities for changing one’s tune.

We picked up a number of less-than-healthy habits in 2016.  Scary, how we slip into pitfalls, slouch into the darkness, and crawl toward the ugly in ourselves.  We get so busy pointing fingers and blaming others we forget

2016 gets a bad wrap because we contaminated it with condemnation.  We were so self-righteous and certain.  We were relentlessly smug.  We became obsessed with evil and thus fanned it, whipping up a storm of attention for those that feast on the focus of others.  They drain your energy from all that really matters.  Captivating you with spectacle and seducing all with inflammatory words…..”

A message from Hartmuth Kolb:

Frau Kolb: February 25th, 1973 – March 29th, 2017. Mother, wife, artist. She embraced life longer than anyone could have imagined.

In loving memory of Caridad Kolb, née Branagan, my beloved wife and my best friend. She was a devoted mother. Her way of being, touched people’s hearts and she made connections and friends wherever she went. She exuded sincere warmth towards people. The world is less bright without the sunshine in her heart. Certainly for our young children and me.

Cari left us far to soon at the young age of 44. Knowing that she wouldn’t be with us for long, she spent all her energy to teach our children (now 10 and 13) about life, to fill our house with art, and to create a diverse library of interesting books. She also provided me with all the love that I could ever have asked for. She always had my back, no matter what, and I will miss her dearly.

A Columbia University graduate, she was a consummate artist. Her paintings are a wonderful legacy and they provide us with a constant reminder of her creative spirit. I loved her way of writing, which is actually what attracted me to her, even before we met 18 short years ago. Samples can be found on her web site at www.talkinggrid.com

Caridad never considered her interaction with cancer as a “battle” or a “fight”. Her approach was to “embrace life” and to celebrate it. I found this to be a very positive way of dealing with this illness, which propelled us forward. There are no regrets.

Please sign in to her guest book for her memorial service, and write a few lines at http://www.legacy.com/guestbook/dignitymemorial/guestbook.aspx?n=caridad-kolb&pid=184782158

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Make Caridad Great Again!!!

Thank you for visiting www.talkinggrid.com! After a long silence, a long hiatus, a more mature, seasoned, understanding of reality is set to grace this rendezvous space, this on-line location, which you have come to cherish as you would an open home where celebrating life is the priority and a buoyant voice forever welcomes you.

Hello, Old Friend!  So much has happened since we last met.  Sit down.  Kick back.  There is a feast about to be served.  I’m cooking up new stories for you. I wanna nourish your soul and feed your mind with what is possible, probable, and sustainable.  Let’s eat up healthy ideas and look to build a world where love rules our actions and defines our conduct.  We decide, the quality of our lives, daily we dictate the direction our lives will take with the way in which we approach living.  Never shrug off the responsibility you have to create the world that you aspire to living in.  We must shoulder creation, since we are the ones informed and blessed by the capacity and responsibility to make of the world we inherit into a garden of earthly delights.  The culinary arts, agriculture, theater, fashion, and film all flow from creative souls who sculpt the edifices of culture which will house the findings of future seekers.  We must continue our studies, enhance our experiments, combine our wits to make a world we can all find a place, a point, a parcel, and an acreage of love.

I am part of a circle of creatives, artists, that are ever ready to expand your world, with their fascinating insights into Art, Music, Spirituality, and Political Healing, taking you to the edges where the art world and reality kiss each other and keep moving.  I come to you with mastery of “The Vacation Approach,” my way of making it from one day to the next, making the most of my time, and resources.  I have living insights from, “Cancer with Style,” my second unpublished private handbook for getting on with the business of life, despite setbacks, obstacles, which I will share with you from time to time. (I might even publish some of my new poems and art works here.  Image that!)

The staggering health challenges and the blessings that come with suffering have proven to be a portal to my higher self.  Death almost ended my musings on art and culture, living and loving, my travel plans, and the perpetual discovery mission I’ve embarked upon, a year ago.  It has been one year since my last post.  Only today, did I feel strong enough to write to you again and reinstate my wish to inform and entertain.

Mr. Skip Snow, a full time art machine, promises to write to us about the shifting models of the museum level art gallery scene, in Los Angeles, a city we know too well, but eludes comprehension. The  Talking grid’s Music Specialist, Joe Rez, promises to take us to the Guns and Roses concert and show us why Axel, ain’t dead yet.  The Music Specialist, is also an expert on Chinese Medicine and Acupuncture Master, so don’t be surprised as Talkinggrid becomes, even more reliably, a source of healing for your wounds, aches, and pains. Since this is one with our intention, to heal you with love, laughter, music, art, travel, thereby reminding you of all that makes life a delight.

The Muse, New Mexico based, inspiring beauty and travel guru, Ms. Crane and Mr. Finehouse, concert pianist living in Boston, are sure to chime in from time to time with reports from the frontiers of Food, Art, Social issues, and Music. The Scientist (my husband) Dr. Hartmuth Kolb, may feel compelled to share his latest recipe for bread or holographic 3-D printer projects.  We all want to learn from him, since he is so very knowledgeable.   I plan to venture to an art show or two, including a group show in New York, sometime in October.  Adventures beckon, creativity calls, and you are invited to take a seat at this long and commodious table, laden with possibilities.

 

So  much may happen yet some of it depends on you.  You have donated to this open mission before, do so again.  Thank you so much for your previous donations, don’t forget that without your donations, comments, and general interest this show won’t shine.  The plea is that you put your money into activities and individual projects, ours and others, that mean the world to you.  Endorse with your attention and time, that which puts a smile on your mouth, in your eyes, and in your heart.

Thus:

Make Caridad Great Again

by Donating to Talkinggrid.

So simple!

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A Gaggle of Doctors

Around the foot of the bed a gaggle of white coats has congregated.  The situation is urgent, critical.  They’ve decided to operate tomorrow, Father’s Day.

The evening before yesterday, we were in the hot-tub, afterwork unwinding.  He looked in my eyes and saw yellow.

All day, I was in bed, my body expanding… the swelling, which started on one foot a year ago has spread.  I’m putting on several pounds a day in water weight.  If you saw me, you’d think I was just another overweight person, but no.  I’m dying.

Decisive and wise, informed and on point, my husband took me immediately to the Emergency Room. I saw the sunset from inside the car.  We arrived and were admitted into the hospital.

My roommate is in pain.  She screams, yells, hollers for morphine.  “Junkie,” I snap judge her.  She is pretty, like me.  Plump and sexy.  She has a Puerto-Rican accent, but I bet she doesn’t speak Spanish. She is from New York.  She is visiting family… she ate something, she was on a hike… whatever.  “Ghetto bitch.”  I think, listening in on her telephone conversation(s).

The room is divided in two with curtains suspended from the ceiling.  Her bed controls the door and the flow of traffic and noise.

My bed is wheeled to the other side of the room, by the window.  Here, I will sleep.

Sleep is impossible with people streaming in and out of the room, all night.  They take your “vitals,” they give you pills.  The two IV “trees,” machines which monitor the flow of drugs and saline into the blood, beep, if our intravenous drips are tangled.  All night, the two trees took turns beeping.  Nurses, rush in the room to stop the beeping.

After a few hours, I feel that the hospital is making me sick.  I want to go home and sleep, recover, from this ordeal.  Morning arrives and I’m ready to die.  The room is still, for a second, before…

They come in, one by one, and then a team, I’m overwhelmed, too tired to lift my head, they tell me what will happen, what might happen, and what happened—according to them.  I don’t listen.  I don’t care.  I’m busy.  Dying.

So… this is what it looks like, THE END.  Soon, I will be back in my father’s arms, we will go for strolls, and wait, in bliss, until my husband and children join us!  Finally, I will get to know my grand parents and ancestors… all the Africans, they wait for me to join them.  Clearly, they won’t be waiting long.

Father, Daddy, the black and beautiful man that trained me to be me, to thrive, has visited me, us my husband and I, yesterday and today.  He assures us.  Yet… I’m not ready.  I’ve got a plan.  I’ve got a lot of living to do.  I’m not going, don’t make me!   I want to raise my own kids.  Forty years is not enough.

En masse, the Doctors leave and Eileen, Irish and fierce, open and alarmed, Best friend, arrives.  Just seeing her cheers me up!  We start to talk and I forget where I am, a nurse (on her rounds) joins us, and it feels like a party.  NO WAY AM I DYING!  No way.

This is just the beginning.  I’m at the start of my adult life.  Maturity is around the corner!  I’m going to be fifty, sixty, and so on.  I’m going to be a grandmother. That is the plan, the vision, The Dream.

Husband arrives as best friend leaves, says “Goodnight,” and I’m left with my roommate.  She has decided to vomit, all night.  “Why don’t you call a nurse?”  I ask her.  “I’m waiting till the morning,” She tells me.  I put on my Bose speakers, the noise cancellation ones, another death bed gift from Hartmuth and I shut out my roommate’s hacking and spewing until morning.

Morning comes and the day speeds by.  I don’t remember much, but they say, “The Operation was successful.”

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Room Two (Revised)

A different room, a different roommate, each an experience, a window into another world.  I drift.  I float.  High atop the crest of a Tsunami.  I’m on a mattress in a narrow hospital bed on wheels. It folds up and down and it has a magic wand, upon which, you can call a surly nurse.

Surely.

“Hello! I’m dying.”  No.  I won’t admit it.  Death is not part of my plan.  I’m ok with a slow easy death from old age, not now.  Now, I am busy.  Writing.  Painting pictures. Reading. Right now, the bulk of my dwindling energy is yoked to the privilege of taking care of my offspring and willing myself to live another day.

Roommate Number Two is young, perhaps a bit lighter shade of medium honey brown skin, a shade lighter than Cappuccino Me.  I see her as they roll me in.  I take her picture with my mind.  Snap! Her story becomes mine for as long as we share this room.  The curtain does nothing to separate us.  This instance of forced intimacy, being a shared room while receiving visits from one’s doctors and nurses, friends and family is a radical change from the sheltered reality I know.

My dreams are torture.  I go to hell and visit with an evil Southern Minister and his all white choir and congregation.  I end up drowning in a flood cause by washing the plastic Negro soup dispenser.

Roommate Number Two is married to a young dark skinned man with a dollar sign tattooed on his neck.  Her mother, a round quiet woman with blond hair, shaped around her head in a sleek bonnet, and her intense, and palpably, devoted husband, visit her.  He spends the night, sitting in the chair by her beside.  They barely talk.  Thankfully.  You can feel the quiet passion between them.  When they whisper it is of their children.  She wants to go home.

Daylight. Her t.v. wakes up. Desperate Housewives of The O.C. is on.  I listen, curious.  I want to learn. Those women are… well, whatever.  I don’t understand.  I sink back into “Inheritance,” a novel set in China, which I am slowly… until the doctors come.

A Gaggel of Doctors flock at the foot of my bed.  They plan out my treatment.  I listen.  Scared.  Doctors are really intimidating, lab coats akimbo.  En masse they march into the room and nest.  I am but a little bird, waiting to be told what is right, what is happening to my body!

I’m expanding.  Each day I put on weight, no from food, but fluid… trapped under my skin.  I am a prisoner in a huge body, now.  I can not see my feet.  Every step I take, is the Odyssey.  Effort. Pain forms new shapes on the edges of my mind.  I’m dying.

That night, I dream of a vast grave site.  Deep tones of gray and unending shades of eerie blackness…  There are tombstones.  On has an open grave, lit bright, like a disco, with stairs going down.  I fear this gaudy hole is calling me.  The light pulsates bight, a green tinge to it.  It whispers, “Come!”  Death, oily and seductive, has come to lay claim on me.

Finito.

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Hotel Happy Hospital

“Pain!” she screeched.  Her voice the chalk on the board. I glued myself to the bed and hoped to disappear.  Not happening.

I caught a glimpse of her between the curtain that they strung up to divide the room and protect our privacy.  She was pretty, a very similar shade of brown to mine, medium warm sassy brown skin, a little plump, juicy looking.  Her phone blurted, “Hey Gorgeous, you got a message!” Every few minutes… she had the t.v. on to a surgery show, close-up of the insides of people, being operated upon.  She returned calls, explaining how she’d landed in the hospital, again.

“The Pain!” Her wail deepened.  I felt pain with her.  I felt my own pain and I felt embarrassed for her feeling such acute pain.  Pain is private. Isn’t it?  Her Doctor offered her more morphine.  “No.” She said.  “If I do too much I get diarrhea for three days, that happened to me last time I was in the hospital.”

Just then, I fixed my gaze out on the bleak industrial moonscape.  A squat box of concrete with shutter windows and turbines, the lobby of a hotel on the moon, an interplanetary loading station… a boy on a skate board pierces my moon fantasy, just as he is overtaken by a sudden jogging blond, with dark sunglasses.  Surely, a spy.  Exactly then, the sun flowers arrive.  Sunflowers.  Blazing yellow.  Zinging bright.  How appropriate!  How Van Gogh! Inspired and  SO KIND!  FLOWERS!  And the smile the pretty girl who delivered the flowers gave me, as she zipped into the room and put them down on the windowsill blocking the view of the moon, is something special, too… this moment sparkles.

Here I am in the hospital, again.  How did it happen that a part of my story became about being really ill?  The idea seems foreign odd to me.  I’m so healthy!  I’m upbeat.  I’m optimistic.  I’m not the cancer type.  Yet, I’m deep in treatment.  Sometimes, I feel like I’m facing a tsunami with nothing but a rubber ducky for protection.  This is scary and yeah, it hurts.  Ouch!  I’m tired of being here.  This stupid machine.  Beeping.  I have to take it with me to the bathroom, where they measure my urine.

Sun Flowers For The Moon
Van Gogh Paid a Visit

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The NEW YEAR is Here, Welcome 2015!

Predictions Abound

Yet the FACT remains… either you had FUN in 2014 or it was a difficult year for you.  Either way, I’m happy you are here and I thank you for the returning visits.  In 2014 Talkinggrid GREW!  Thanks to Anne Hutchins and DONATIONS from our friends, family, and well funded and generous, FRAU FANS!  YEAH!

How did you celebrate?  Who were you with?  Alone?  Did your pals come by and did you have a good time, howling wolf songs in the chilly moonlight, past midnight?

All good.  Whatever you did, it is behind you.  Now you have this fresh NEW year, which is a chance to further prove how capable and wonderful you really are. WE made it, Baby! Welcome 2015!

Yippee.

Me?   I embraced the New Year, as I would another day. Yet, on the actual day of the new year I was feeling less than stellar.  Today, I few days later, I have my strength back.

Now I give you a glimpse of my favorite moments in 2014:

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Massive CHILL OUT at Joe REZ, Nirvana Tea & Herb, Feb. 2014
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OUT in Venice! Nana Ghana & Frau Kolb Hit it.

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Sneaking away, to Los Angeles, for OYSTERS:

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My Favorite Restaurant in Los Angeles: The Fish Market on Santa Monica Blvd
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Solana Beach Train Station
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In my journal, I sketch at the cafe table. Oysters, wine, salad… 2014 was a jolly good year!
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I love hiking and in 2014 I went on some serious treks to the ocean.
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Give me a kiss… Buy the lip of the sea.
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“I like to EAT!” Work in progress,  Part of the “Out to Lunch Series,” 2013© Caridad (Frau) Kolb
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Finished, “I like to Eat,” Drawing on acid free paper © Caridad (Frau) Kolb, 2013
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WATER’s Edge, where the sea foam, engenders… Goddesses.
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Mysterious Image © Caridad (Frau) Kolb
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One of many Judge Dee Books read, while working on, “OUT to LUNCH!,” series.
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“Day!” Taking a walk and bumping into the beauty of Chinese.
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The usual medical drama, OUCH!
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In Marina del Rey, Los Angeles, near home… the pelicans and the egrets mingle on the dock. LOVE WALKING!!!
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TWO are ONE, Tight with My darling husband, Dr. Hartmuth Kolb
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Maintenance at the Olympic Spa, reading: JUDGE DEE, of course!
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The magic number at my favorite place!
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OUT TO LUNCH, photo by the MUSE!
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Get up early, make breakfast for my kids.
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Walk with me! We will walk to the edge.
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Again!

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The New Year smiles and coos, brand new and cuddly.  I’m an experienced and loving caretaker.  The fruits of my success are in my family life and home which I opened to friends and visitors in 2014, like never before. I will do with this year, what I have done with all my other years. I will LOVE IT!!! I will. I will kiss it and hug it, and nurse it with my metaphysical milk.  I will carry it and cater to its demands.  I will grow it and and nurture it so that NEXT YEAR when it dies, I will let it go, gracefully.

Goodbye 2014!

Last year, Frau Kolb took you to Paris, France for a bucket list tour of the Mona Lisa and Eiffel Tower.

I painted this portrait of our amusing guest in a burst of inspiration, joy.
I painted this portrait of our amusing guest in a burst of inspiration, joy.
Acrylic on canvas,
“Resting Muse, Kathy & Leo.” Acrylic on canvas,20×30, December, 2014 © Caridad (Frau) Kolb

We met up with the elusive and mysterious beauty, Ms. Crane.  We finished the year with a visit from artist contemporary artist Kathy Goodell.  We noted the passing of Fashion Designer, Oscar de la Renta, and comedian/actress/show host Joan Rivers & wrote about Burt Lancaster in The Swimmer. WE traveled to New York for the holidays with our friends, on-line.  We, did so much! WE laughed, we shared. Mostly, we kept each other company, HERE at the edge.

In 2015 we look forward to more intimate encounters with brilliant humans in sparkling settings, a NEW Talkinggrid ART adventures!

PEACE and blessings!

 

 

 

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Banish The Holiday BLUES

 

The year is wrapping itself up into a tight wad.  You call to confess to me, that you are you “TOTALLY FREAKING OUT???”  Are you running around, trying to cater a party for 30 when you have enough chairs for 3?  Is your budget stretched to the limit?  Are you contemplating bankruptcy or, at least, a reduction in the size of your Barney’s Binge Shopping Budget in 2015?

NOW, before I begin to dish, my special brand of savory information, a delicate stew of warm MUSE NEWS, to which you have become increasingly accustomed, being that it provides a nourishing substance… you require. I readily advise you on how to shake those often ugly, hardened, stormy feelings that threaten spring upon you, to choke you, violently clouding out every ray of positivity, which might blossom, IF carefully tended and coaxed into fruition, during the HOLIDAYS, but instead FESTERS, like an open sore… oozing.  I find myself instantly getting depressed when there is so much pressure to be HAPPY!  Enforced Christmas Cheer pushes my buttons.

Not everyone LIKES Holiday music...Yet, it is impossible to avoid!
Not everyone LIKES Holiday music… Not even every ELF is a Sinatra Classics FAN! Yet, it is impossible to avoid, between October and January!

Perhaps… like many people… you HATE CHRISTMAS MUSIC and come around October, they start to BLAIR THAT CRAP… in every space that has the mojo to command a cash register.  Don’t they understand that by giving US so very much of Christmas, many of us GET SICK of IT?  Holiday music is like rap, country, or heavy metal music… not everybody’s cup o’ Joe… and maybe if it was just for ONE month, say December, then it would be almost bearable, but the shopping centers are relentless in their stream of sonic sales stimulating musical brain invasion!

The Annoyed Consumer, is forced to SUCK UP the “steamy,” sound of “Santa Baby…” for months, imagining tarty girls flirting with their fat Santa, Banker or Hedge-Fund SUGAR DADDIES… Worse, the sensitive soul is ground down by the schmaltzy mix of materialism muddled with a diluted, polluted, Christian message which is pumped into our veins in the toxic form of mainstream HOLIDAY Culture.  YUCK!

Sometimes, just lighting a candle and taking a moment out to be silent is ALL the Holiday Celebration you need.
Sometimes, just lighting a candle and taking a moment out to be silent is ALL the Holiday Celebration you need.

The pure elixir of belief is being mixed into the cheap sweet carbonation of hyped up SALES and shopping frenzies; what might be an authentic spiritual opportunity is turned into a SALES Event! The materialism revolts you…You wanna scream like the Edward Munch painting.  YOU CAN’T TAKE IT! Yet… the holiday MUSIC follows you into Starbucks, another place I want to avoid. “Jiggle BELLS!”  “Jiggle Bells!” Cry monstrous children, that chase you in your thin and flimsy dreams.  YOU WAKE UP!

Stressed… the bills are mounting, the kids (you don’t even have any but IF YOU did it might be dangerous, this year!) are griping, screaming, and shouting! Their horrific excitement about ALL THE TRASH they are about to spew out into the universe.  Wrappers.  Packing. TAPE!  The HORROR of Holiday Cocktails with people whom you do not trust and you must keep your guard and be very polite, ever so NICE!

(Chill OUT!  It is clear that YOU have a BAD CASE of The HOLIDAY HORRORS!  YOU have come down with a highly infectious disease.  Yes.  IT IS TRUE! You must contain yourself.  You must find a means of protecting others from the  bad vibe you are emanating.  Yes, you.)

Thank goodness, you have come to the right place for instant on-line healing.  

Please, allow me, Frau Kolb ARTIST comic relief and aspiring adolescent, laughing here, HEAD and IN CHARGE of ALL THIS FABULOUS CONTENT, on www.talkinggrid.com, to diagnose poor depressed and spiritually depleted,YOU, with the following flowing one-size-fit-all blanket of “ISSUE,” which you may or may not cling to in a desperate attempt to DISCOVER some greater truth, than the basics we ALL KNOW.  The Holidays, are best invested in self reflection, go easy on the booze and pass on the sticky buns.  You don’t need those easy escapes and quick fixes now.  Concentrate on loving yourself, better than that.

Sure, like everyone else on the planet, YOU have problems.  Now, forget about it… The truth is: It isn’t easy being human.  We all struggle.  Just getting in and out of pajamas… buying pajamas and washing pajamas is an epic undertaking.  Add traffic.  Sex.  Finances.  Children.  War.  Race conflict.  Loud Americans (or whoever you feel is invading your space simply by being audible…) and… well… We are ALL ready to SCREAM!  SCREAM!  SCREAM!

Yet, here’s the rub: we all have to find the strength to move gracefully from one day to the next.  It is our responsibility to seek out happiness, good spirit, Cheer.  Not just during the holidays but year round for our health and for the health of others.  We might benefit for some of the prescribed Merriment.  Yet, How?  Come on, my friend… step over here.  Sit down.  Here, on this silken pillow.  I know you are tired.  Exhausted.  You feel used and abused.  No one loves you (except Talkinggrid, of course).  Well… I will tell you a secret…

Sit down.  Take a seat.  Breath. So… Here it is:

“YOU want to shake this terrible Holiday Helplessness that hits you with the force of a Caribbean storm. Yet, what to do?”

Here are SEVEN SECRET, Foolproof, steps to maintaining a modicum of MENTAL HEALTH & Happiness during the sometimes nauseating attacks of Holiday Panic, Holiday Horror! Okay, I LOOK at you and I tell you what ALWAYS works for me.  I have SEVEN SECRET ways out of any little steaming HOLIDAY HELL which you may have wandered into this muddy pit, by accident but… NOW YOU are stuck in the muddy molten lava nightmare, yet HAVE NO FEAR!  Frau KOLB is HERE to SAVE YOU!

1. NOW! Move IT! Nothing will make you feel better about yourself or your situation than doing some sit ups, jumping jacks, yoga, whatever primitive mode of self tuning you practice… get to it.  At least half an hour per day.  NOW! Go UP THE STAIRS!  Walk to work.  Avoid the elevator. Try skipping, as children do.

2. Start your New Year’s RESOLUTIONS EARLY!  Hit it.  NOW! Consider quitting drinking NOW!  Do a juice fast.  Wheatgrass.  Everyday.  You will feel better and you will thank yourself when instead of gaining weight this year you enter the NEW YEAR looking fit and fabulous.

3. Write everybody Holiday LOVE LETTERS!  Screw the materialism.  You don’t have to buy anything for anybody.  Write them letters of praise, LOVE. What we all really want for Christmas is good old fashioned praise and love.  Write your loved ones a few pages of script, extolling their virtues and enumerating their strong points.  Better, mail it to them, even IF you live in the same house.  Send actual cards, with handwritten words and perhaps a printed photograph, to, at least, ONE person.  Yes.  One is more than enough.  (You can even send your letter to yourself in order to ensure you get HOLIDAY MAIL from someone special.)

4. Sleep.  Turn off the phone.  Say, “Goodbye Computer.” Turn INWARD.  Contemplate.  Peace.

Nothing hurts you more than forgetting to nourish your body with rest.

5. Ritual Bathing.  Listen, don’t knock it, till you’ve tried it.  I put a marvelous mixture of sea salts and oils, oatmeal (skin soothing) and green tea powders in warm water and soak away much of what ails me.  Hey… costs very little and most of us can access a little hot water and epson salt. No?

6. Create.  You know, seeing ALL THOSE flashing lights and shows… it leaves you feeling a little EMPTY.  Try painting it out.  Paper.  Canvas.  Board.  You decide.  Or… use words, music… write a SAD SAD Christmas BLUES SONG and blow everybody away at the company Christmas Par-Tay with an impromptu performance!

7.  Apply the SEVEN BOOK RULE!  Here is the KEY to the verdant private garden of Frau Kolb’s imaginary and real experience of total life success: READ, READ, READ!  The deeper your interests, your knowledge, your connection to the fabric of humanity, through its thought which may be directly accessed in BOOKS, will sustain the fragile sensitive you in times of duress.  Yes, books, are my best and most stable friends.  I retreat into them and in them  find constant comfort and guidance.  You can read, whatever you like, whatever uplifts YOU! But give yourself permission to avoid topics that prove toxic or debilitating to you.  In other words, censor yourself, if it means avoid the turgid sea of Ugly Holiday Horror.

Try reading about the Early Christians, Alternate forms of Jewish Faith, The Fluctuations of Stock Market Wave patterns… whatever floats your boat. IF it elevates your mood and is not a gun manual, read it.

Personally, I enjoy books on history.  What kind of history varies.  Lately, I find myself reading more and more books set in or about China.  It seems that Chinese and Asian Studies are emerging as a major focus.  This makes for yet another hobby which while absorbing much of my time, delivers timeless knowledge and thus inspires me to take my personal issues in stride, aware that I am but a drop in the bucket.  Reading is constantly shaping my perspective on LIFE.  I am after many years of interest into Chinese Art and painting but a novice at investigating the language, the characters, the gorgeous pictographic/calligraphic writing system.  This multi layered interest, has brought new SPARK (PASSION!) into my, already full and delightful, life.  By investing my time in learning what I find remarkable, I enrich my life and protect myself from succumbing to the HOLIDAY MELTDOWN which so plagues the Armies of Shoppers, mobbing Walmart for “last minute,” gifts.

What do you want to learn?  What do you want to master?  Tell me.  Tell yourself and treat yourself to time dreaming, thinking, writing, and planning a better now by being more at ease and grateful simply for the gift of being, which in no way means, that we aren’t aware that not everyone is as lucky as we are to be breathing, NOW… and that is my point.  Don’t allow the creepy mood of militant outward displays of canned Christian sentiment crush you!  YOU are more ZEN than that!

Now finally, perhaps this year, I will write you again, a word or two… nothing major… but it is time I hear from you.  Please comment.  Mark LOVE at the top corner.  Share this or another, your favorite of my stories, and PLEASE IF YOU are a regular reader and wish to contribute to the YEAR END Frau KOLB Christmas Par-TAY FUND, CLICK donate DONATE donate at the bottom of the Talkinggrid’s front page. By DONATING to Talkinggrid you ensure that I will continue making time to writing and thereby AMUSE and UPLIFT you with Frau Kolb’s Muse News and Talkinggrid FUN!

EXPRESS YOUR LOVE and APPROVAL for independent Artist/Blogger Absurdist World Traveling Imaginary Friend and Intricate Fuzz Ball, Frau Kolb, via the DONATE button, on the bottom of the cover page.

Thank YOU!

 

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On Being Thankful

The multi-colored days, the crisp season, of din celebration(s) have caught up with us, again.  We hurtle toward the close of another successful year.

Successful?  You ask.

Yes. Successful.  You made it to this point and boy o’ boy am I thankful that YOU made it here.  It is truly amazing that YOU and I are here, together, now.  YOU breath.  I BREATH!!! We can’t ever stop being thankful for every breath we are able to take.  They don’t go on forever.  Each breath is a gift for which we can be very grateful.  Add to that gift the many skills, possessions, abilities, and desires that bring you here to me, to this particular page.

Why are you here?  I wonder.  Yet, I know that for some, Talkinggrid, is an alternate Muse Source, a spot of inspiration, an on-line destination to go for the private brand of elegant “Muse News,” Frau Kolb churns out.  You don’t know exactly what it is that brings you here again and again but here you are again.  Smiling at Frau Kolb’s quirky interests in things others have no time for, like peace. Talkinggrid isn’t like any other blog because it  comes from Frau Kolb and reflects a way of being that may be perversely traditional or radical in its optimism.  Regardless, Frau Kolb always makes you feel comfortable.  Hospitality is my forte.  I intend to constantly remind you that, well, we are privileged to be able to be us, to share and have ideas, to witness and shape our culture, to learn and expand on language(s), to swim in the underlying stability of being in a perpetual state of faultless grace.  If you are reading this site it is because you relate to me, Frau Kolb, as part of a larger whole of artists, creatives, expansive souls. WE are part of a constellation, a universe, a little world of thinkers wired for abundance, joy.

You relate to the idea of Frau Kolb.  We are either friends, family, colleagues, or otherwise connected.  We are ONE in our ability to appreciate, to THANK each other,  to love.  Thus, you return to this page and I keep writing.  We have made a pact of mutual support.  I will continue to collect words, ideas, images to share with you.  You will continue to click LOVE!  Thank you for the many shares, the bounty of being that makes writing for you, a pleasure, a vessel full of joy.  You will continue to read, to comment.  Of course, I don’t know for sure what you will or won’t do, but I am THANKFUL that you have made donations and encouraged me with praise.  I thank you for thinking of me as interesting for even one nano-second.  You bless me with your attention, time, critique.  Most significantly, I am thankful to those that read my errors and point them out, so that the Muse News I produce is comprehensible, enough.  I’m glad for The English Grammar Police in my life that stood up to me when I want to replace the word “but,” with “butt,” gratifying the perpetual sophomore in me. I’m grateful that my dearest friend’s attempt to stop me from failing to communicate, appropriately.

Now don’t forget:

Thanksgiving is an opportunity to THANK YOURSELF.  Yes.  You. YOU ROCK!!! You, Dear Muse(s), are so inspiring! I could write poetry about the shimmer that is your hair, cascading. Curling.  Rising in waves like the ones painted by Turner.  I might decide to focus my mind on describing the KINK that is your bush.  Who knows?  I could sing SING sing your praises with paint, creating a portrait of you worthy for a Presidential HOME.  Please, make Frau Kolb happy and thank yourself for all the breaths you take and steps to make life bearable for you and those that depend on glorious, sane, and reliable YOU for stability, love.  Make sure that you focus on all the very good things you have done for others this year.  Make a list.  Then make a more important list, how have you show thanks to yourself in 2014?  How have you demonstrated your devotion to your dreams, your values, your talents?

Thank the ones around you.  How have your children, siblings, lovers, friends, and enemies contributed to honing your skills, making you stronger, and filling you with energy to move forward in every aspect of your life?  Thank the trouble makers the ugly policy makers, the bad drivers, the incompetent mothers, Thank them ALL because without The Racists, The Cops, The Fuzz, The Blacks, The feckless Poor, The dirty Rich, The Drunk Drivers, and The Incompetent Mothers, You would be ALL ALONE.  YOU would have no one to play with, no one to love.  Thank the lady that cuts you off mid sentence to tell you you have no clue who you are, to advise you on your destiny, to sell you a slice of paradise for an internet donation.  Thank her!

Thank Frau Kolb for all her unsolicited advice, which comes from her experience of managing life, love, friendships simply by being thankful and allowing all to flow as it will, while nodding in wonder at the splendor of possibility that constantly is.  Thank me for my friendship, for the words of support I’ve lavished upon you.  Thank me for the attention I pay to your art work.  Thank me for eating your home cooking, and willfully supporting you.  Thank me for cooking for you, setting the table, pouring the wine, and writing this juicy blog.

You are welcome.